How do you refer to your donor?

Forums Donor Conceived People How do you refer to your donor?

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    Profile photo of maureenkymaureenky

    1) No. I have a page and a half of bullet points, but I’ve never had contact with him, nor would the facility provide me with any further information,

    2) I use the term “donor”. He is not my father and never will be. If I ever do find out who he is, I assume I will either continue to refer to him as my donor or by his name.

    3) My biological mother has a female partner. They have been together for 27 years (I’m 20). I refer to them as Mom (bio) and Meme (non-bio).

    Profile photo of AnthProfAnthProf

    Many thanks to all you who answered my question regarding the term you use for your sperm donor Of the four who have had some contact with your sperm donor, three use the term “father” or “biological father” and one uses either “donor” or “father.” Of the 10 who have not had contact with him, three use “father” or “biological father,” four use “donor,” and one uses both of those terms. One who uses the term “donor” firmly rejected the idea that he is the “father.” One other who had no contact uses a term I’ve never heard of before (“olday man”), which seems to be more a substitute for “donor” than for “father.” The final individual who had no contact was the only one who used anything like the term “dad” for the donor. He was initially referred to “bioded,” but when it became clear he wanted no contact the term was changed to “donor.” Most of you who grew up with a social father, someone who participated in raising you, refer to that person as “dad,” although that term can be qualified if the relationship was not close.

    Generalizing from your responses, in most cases (but emphatically not in one) “father” is thought to be a purely biological relationship. In that it is similar to “donor” but probably a bit closer given that if there has been contact “donor” is almost never used while if there has been no contact “donor” is used more than “father.” It’s hard to generalize, however, because the numbers are very small. It does seem clear, however, that the term “dad” is much more a social than a biological term. It is reserved for a man who was closely involved in raising you.

    Thanks again for your help. It has been very useful in my research

    Allan Hanson

    Profile photo of yfactoryfactor

    Generalizing is never easy, but that in most cases ‘father’ is thought to be a purely biological relationship does not seem to be correct. Several people talk about ‘biological father’ not just ‘father’, why would they add biological, when the think of father as a purely biological thing? Also not only Maureenky, but me too do absolutely not define father in a biological way.

    Profile photo of wmdoranwmdoran

    Thanks for your interest and feedback, Professor Hanson. Please post a link or share on your Profile or Activity the paper file when you publish! I would agree with your conclusions. To me father is biological and also can be relational. Dad is more relational not biological. I don’t like calling my social father dad but do it mostly out of obligation to him and others. Biological father is sometimes useful for clarification in conversations. A father is completely where you come from not who raised you. My dog is not my daughter. Whether or not my father abandoned me or rejects me or not doesn’t change his importance in my life beit in the form of loving presence or tragic void. Please keep in touch!

    Profile photo of SyronSyron

    1) Have you had any contact with your donor? Yes. Online (email). What kind of relationship do you have with him? None. No meeting.

    2) What term do you use to refer to your donor? Donor or donor father.

    3) Is your mother a single mother, or does she have a lesbian or male husband/partner who was in your household as you grew up? Male husband (divorced). I just found out this year, but he is my Dad, regardless of not being my biological father.

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